I'm going to medical school.

My sister tells me the next four years of medical school will be the hardest years of my life.

I tell her, you know what's hard?

It's hard when you you spend your weeknights after work studying in the library and you rush home and you realize your baby boy has already fallen asleep so you tip toe into his room and you gaze at his beautiful sleeping face because it hurts, because you miss him even though he's right in front of you, and you can only hope that one day he'll understand why you're quitting your job as an engineer, why you're spending your weeknights and weekends in the library, why you volunteer your time to helping others. Because at the end of the day, you want to be able to come home and tell your family that you made a difference, that you spent your time working to make a positive impact. And maybe one day, he'll forgive me for not being there.

But I'll tell him I was there. Just when he wasn't looking.

A short poem to my unborn.

You're late!

You must be as stubborn as your father

or is it your mother?

Waiting til tommorrow, are we?

Keeping us anxiously waiting

But the bags are packed

filled to the brim

clothes and knick knacks

groceries and snacks

So come when you will

There's be plenty of time

to look at pretty American girls

and eat delicious Korean food

Can I handle it?

The thing that sucks as you get older, is the crushing amount of responsibility that comes with it.

Can I handle it?

I dunno. I'm still trying to figure that out.

How does one man plan for the future of his family and support his family in the present? Or is this all an illusion to hide personal ambitions and present them as noble virtues? I'm not sure either. Perhaps, I'll find at a later point in life? Or would it be too late then?

Song of the day:
The Naked and Famous - Young Blood

Sometimes

and sometimes

when you're driving home at night

and you're exhausted

and your lower back hurts

it's really nice

to call a friend

and just talk for a while

and smile.

Jake Owen - "Barefoot Blue Jean Night"

Feeling of Inadequacy

What is this I feel?

Is it depression or sadness?

This feeling of inadequacy

Can't move forward

Can't quit

I waste so much time

Thinking of everything I want to accomplish

Please calm these butterflies

as I sit crying

Xavier Rudd's - "My Missing"

College Savings

Looked into setting up a 529 College Savings plan for my unborn child.

Based on a college that currently costs $25,000 annually:

"100% of your total college costs will be $312,166. You will need to make monthly contributions of $602 to meet this cost."

http://www.savingforcollege.com/college-savings-calculator/

An Open Letter to My Unborn

I fear that you will never understand

and that my best will not be good enough

that our time together will be cut short

by the path I am trying desparately to lay out for you

I pray that you will be a better person

than I ever could be

that you will be stronger

and be able to accomplish all your dreams

I pray that you will close your eyes

and listen to your heart

unafraid

ignoring those who say you can't

and fight for what you believe

This boy, trembling before you right now

with tears in my eyes, anxious

and a love so strong

that it terrifies me

I want you to understand

that it's persistence

not beauty or intelligence that matters

I want you to know

that we will always love you

no matter what you choose

or who you become

(inspired after seeing Bassey Ikpi's "Apology to my unborn")